Stop Attracting the Emotionally Unavailable

Tips from Dr. Liz

If any of these statements sound familiar… there’s a good chance you have a history of being drawn to the emotionally unavailable crowd… (Same!)

I also struggled with this for a really long time and certainly have to stay aware of not falling back in these old patterns even now (old habits die hard)… but these three things really shifted my trajectory to stop attracting emotionally unavailable partners:

1. Get clear on your Relationship Programming. Gaining awareness of your programming helps you to recognize what you believe is “normal” in relationships and where this came from. It also helps you to realize what type of people you are most drawn to and how this is impacting you & your relationship choices present-day.

2. Recognize that most of us who attract emotionally unavailable people… are actually pretty emotionally unavailable ourselves (I know, I know… bear with me here!) One of my biggest realizations was that due to my relational trauma, I was afraid of feeling trapped… so, subconsciously it made sense to pick people who I knew wouldn’t want a commitment or anything serious from me. FYI… There is often a direct correlation between how healed we are and the type of people we attract.

3. I created a clear list of my needs, wants, and boundaries for a relationship. I wrote this out so that I can refer back to it when I am interested in someone. In these lists, I reference key traits of emotionally available partners. This has been such a helpful reminder of what’s important when that “chemistry” takes over and can blind us from seeing the red flags. Be very specific on this list… because the more vague you are, the easier it will be to convince yourself that certain things are okay (when you know darn well, they aren’t).

If a healthy, safe, and secure relationship is something you truly desire… you’ve gotta first start by exploring your role in what’s been preventing you from finding one.

Dr. Liz’s Book

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 15

Dr. Liz chats with Melissa Urban, CEO of Whole30 and NYT best-selling author, about the importance of setting and holding boundaries. Melissa provides an understanding of what boundaries are and why they are crucial to the quality of our mental health and relationships. Dr. Liz and Melissa explore barriers to setting boundaries and discuss reasons why many of us struggle to do so. They also chat about their own personal experiences with boundaries, as well as provide strategies for improving boundary setting skills. You won’t want to miss this very relatable episode all about why boundaries are hard AND necessary!