Safety in Relationships

Tips from Dr. Liz

Safety in Relationships

It’s a harsh reality…

But a relationship without safety… unfortunately, does not stand a chance at survival.

Safety is the MOST IMPORTANT component of any relational dynamic. Safety is the foundation for intimacy, connection, trust, communication, and so on…

The first thing I address when I start working with new couples is how to first establish mental, emotional, and physical safety…

Before we start to address any other component of this relationship. Some of these issues may include:

  • A lack of follow through

  • Their actions don’t align with their words

  • Trust is repeatedly breached and promises often broken

  • A lack of emotional regulation during hard conversations (i.e lashing out and/or shutting down)

  • Repeated criticisms, put-downs, and/or condescending remarks

  • A lack of mutuality in efforts towards improving the relationship

  • Repeated refusal to take ownership or accountability for hurtful behaviors

  • Repeated lack of quality time together for intimacy and connection

The issues here are often what I start assessing right out of the gate… If any of these things are happening REPEATEDLY and consistently… we MUST make changes on that first and foremost before we can proceed.

Now, I totally get that a lot of you might be reading through these and thinking, “well, damn… I guess my relationship is doomed.”

And while I get that it could be easy to think that, it is not that cut and dry, and your relationship most certainly does not have to be doomed!

We are human… Thus, we should expect MANY instances of imperfect behaviors from both partners in our relationships… And that is okay. What is NOT okay… is when these behaviors are the the rule instead of the exception.

Outlier situations that impact relational connection are to be expected on occasion… but when this is the daily norm, you are now fighting an uphill battle.

Sooooo… Stop and assess if you OR your partner are consistently engaging in any of these behaviors (if so, understand you are not alone!) and then set up a time to talk about where to begin to start addressing them one by one.

Even if you are currently facing these repeated experiences, there is definitely hope for change… but that change only happens by acknowledging the issue & facing it head on!

Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

by Terrence Real

Us is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset—one that will allow you to get past your knee-jerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self.

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 47

Dr. Liz hangs out with Cindy Stibbard, Certified Divorce & Relationship Decision Coach, to chat about a very common question in a lot of relationships, “Should I stay or should I go?!” Dr. Liz and Cindy discuss multiple reasons that someone might want to end their relationship, as well as common barriers to making this decision. They discuss their own experiences with divorce and the difficulties they faced during their decision-making process. Dr. Liz and Cindy provide tips for navigating this decision process and also give suggestions for how to communicate with your partner if you do decide to end the relationship.