Relationships That Are "Good" For You

Tips from Dr. Liz

• Feeling safe, comfortable, & relaxed when you are in their presence.

• Not wondering if or when they will follow through on a commitment.

• They show you they care through their actions more than just words.

• You’re not on eggshells or worried about what will set them off next.

• They are self-aware and can take ownership when they mess up.

• Their apologies are not only words, but also changed behaviors.

• Knowing they will stay safe and regulated even when they are upset.

• Spending way more time getting along than engaging in conflict.

• There is effective conflict resolution & respectful communication.

• They don’t intentionally & repeatedly do things you ask them not to.

• There are mutual efforts towards developing a healthy relationship.

Because of our Relationship Programming (what we believe to be normal about relationships due to our upbringings), it can be really easy to look past or even justify certain behaviors because we grew up thinking that being treated this way was just the norm.

However, when our relationships consist of constant conflict, when we feel exhausted by the never-ending cycles, and when we struggle to feel relaxed or at peace in this dynamic… it’s probably worth considering if even though this feels “familiar” to you… does that mean it’s what’s best for you?

No relationship is going to be wonderful 24/7… but relationships also don’t have to be constantly chaotic either… there is a gray area of accepting that relationships will always take effort, but that they should still feel safe, fulfilling, and rewarding.

There are plenty of situations where it is not so simple to just walk away. And there are also situations where you might recognize that the relationship isn’t serving you… but you desire to try to fix it first before walking away.

Please note, you do NOT have to walk away immediately just because you realize the relationship might not currently be good for you… There are plenty of resources and professionals who can help with the repair process to see if that works first.

And… there are other times when walking away does make the most sense, even when it feels really hard to do.

Start by assessing if your relationship is causing more harm than good… then take the next step of deciding if this means you want to: work towards repair, walk away, or seek some help to decide on your next step.

It is okay not to know what the next step is… but please know that it is not doing you any good to stay stagnant in a dynamic that is no longer serving you. Sometimes we gotta pick a lane.

Dr. Liz’s Book

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 56

Dr. Liz hangs out with Dr. Nicole LePera, licensed psychologist, to chat all about Dr. Nicole’s new book: How to Be the Love You Seek. Dr. Liz and Dr. Nicole dig into Relationship (Re)Programming and discuss how our childhoods influence our relational patterns and behaviors in our romantic relationships. They both get vulnerable about the impact of their own childhoods and discuss the steps they have taken to heal, as well as the ways they have supported others in doing the same. Dr. Liz and Dr. Nicole provide a relatable perspective on healing and personal growth and provide tangible take-aways for anyone wanting to start (or continue) their healing journey.