Let's Get Real About "Red Flags"

Tips from Dr. Liz

It is crucial that we stop perpetuating these beliefs and judgments about individuals in unhealthy relationships…

Because the reality is that every single person has plenty of their own red flag behaviors… it’s what we do with them and how we manage them that makes the biggest difference.

So let’s get real about “red flags”:

• We ALL have them (nobody is exempt from having red flags!)

• There are some universal red flags (i.e., any form of abusive behavior), however many red flags are subjective & based in personal opinion.

• Unprocessed trauma can prevent us from catching those red flags.

• Conversely, unprocessed trauma can also cause us to be hyper-vigilant and intolerant of anything even close to a potential red flag.

• Red flag behaviors typically will never fully go away (stop trying to change people!), however a healthy relationship is still possible.

• Not all red flag behaviors have to be considered “deal breakers.”

• It is okay to move forward in a relationship with certain types of red flags, if they demonstrate self-awareness & are working to improve.

• We don’t intentionally choose people with red flags; this happens due to our relationship programming (we are attracted to what’s familiar).

• The more healing you do, the quicker you will notice the red flags… and the less likely you will be to ignore or make excuses for them.

Often times people end up in relationships with people with red flags due to unprocessed trauma, a lack of awareness around what is healthy, and not knowing how to keep themselves from these unhealthy relationships…

If you can relate, this doesn’t make you defective, it means it’s time to start your (re)programming journey.

Not all red flags have to be deal breakers (otherwise we’d ALL be single)…

But the most important thing is to start to recognize what red flags ARE deal breakers… and to become aware of if other individuals have self-awareness around their unhealthy behaviors and are actually working towards their own healing and positive changes.

We can’t shame ourselves into picking healthier relationships…

However, we can demonstrate grace and compassion towards these choices… AND start learning how to make better ones.

Recommended Resource

Read this short article below on recognizing 10 signs of a healthy relationship and 10 signs of an unhealthy relationship from the One Love organization.

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 23

Dr. Liz hangs out with Nick Thompson, Mental Health Advocate, from Love is Blind (S2) to chat all about red flags in dating and relationships. Dr. Liz and Nick discuss the difference between objective and subjective red flags, including what to look out for and how to handle being faced with these red flags. They also get open and honest about their own red flags… and challenge each other to consider how their own red flags might be impacting their current dating lives. You won’t want to miss this very relatable episode about being aware of red flags in others… AND facing your own red flags.