The Impact of Unprocessed Trauma

Tips from Dr. Liz

The Impact of Unprocessed Trauma

Unprocessed trauma has a serious impact on our relationships.

It is so common to believe that the traumas you have experienced will just “go away” after a while.

It is also really common to think that your traumatic experiences only impact you.

Anddddd… it is also common to believe that if you just find the right “solution,” you can get your trauma triggers to go away, and everything will be just fine.

Let’s spend a minute debunking these beliefs…

First of all, trauma does not just go away. Trauma gets stored in the brain and the body… and until it is processed and resolved… it will continue to get activated any time that your brain is trying to keep you safe from another potential experience similar to this trauma (keep in mind, the part of your brain responsible for alerting you to a threat, does NOT know the difference between logic and emotion. So, something as simple as your partner’s facial expression or tone, can set this part of your brain off and send you into fight or flight before you even realize what’s going on).

Secondly, your unresolved trauma does not only impact you… but also the people who are closest to you, especially your partner. Our partners are often the individuals who see the rawest and most vulnerable sides of us… and are also the ones who take the brunt of our triggers, moods, and dysregulation. So, if we are struggling with dysfunctional behaviors because of unprocessed trauma, it is our partners who will most likely be impacted by this.

Third, we are human. This means we will likely all experience some type of triggers and dysregulation throughout our lives, even after addressing our trauma. This does not mean it is pointless to do this work (it can still help so much with our mood states, skills, and quality of life)… it does mean it is necessary to have realistic expectations and give yourself grace and compassion when you struggle (even if you are working really hard to process and heal from your trauma).

At the end of the day, trauma has a real potential to not only keep us in frequent conflict with our partners (because of various reasons listed on this post)… but also can ultimately be the demise of a really great relationship, if we allow it to be.

Increase your awareness about possible trauma you have not yet processed. Work to identify how it is negatively impacting your relationships…

And then seek the help and healing necessary to prevent TRAUMA from continuing to prevent YOU from having healthy, safe, and connected relationships.

Resource from Dr. Liz

What is Trauma?

Here is an article by the Center for Healthcare Strategies that defines what Trauma is and the effects it can have on an individual.

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 34

Dr. Liz and Mathew discuss the impact of trauma on our relationships and intimacy, as well as how our self-esteem influences how we show up and connect with our partners. Dr. Liz and Mathew also dive deep into the importance of safety for fulfilling intimacy and provide personal examples of how they each feel safe in relationships. You won’t want to miss this very relatable discussion about ways to foster and improve intimacy in your relationship.