Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick's Weekly Newsletter

Tips from Dr. Liz

Dating App Dilemma

Yep… it’s a serious struggle.

Though… I do wonder if we started approaching the apps differently, if maybe we could

possibly have somewhat different outcomes (even if just slightly improved).

It is really common to not put much effort into profiles, or even into engagement on these apps, because we have it so ingrained in our heads that the apps are a joke and will never work anyway… so we think, “why try?!”

But the irony is, that a lot of us are technically still trying… because… well… we keep downloading them time and time again… so, clearly, we are hoping for some type of different outcome.

If you find yourself continuing to use these dating apps… Then consider making these five tweaks and see if it helps:

1. Use as many pictures as the app allows and ensure they are RECENT, don’t have anyone else in them (at least most of them). Ensure they are good quality… and are taken in multiple different settings. Also, SMILE!

2. Fill in your bio and answer at least 3 prompts! You have to share about yourself… otherwise people are only swiping based on looks… and this is NOT a good foundation for building emotional intimacy.

3. When you reach out to people, say something about one of their prompts, and also be aware of if people are referencing yours (this indicates they are actually interested in you as a person, not just as another number).

4. YOU HAVE TO ASK QUESTIONS!!!! A good rule of thumb for this is that questions should be like a volley… they pass one to you, you answer, and pass one back (not just “and you?” but your own question). If people aren’t asking you questions… Move on!

5. If you have already identified your five relationship needs, wants, and boundaries (if you haven’t, please do this asap!), then be aware of not swiping on people who obviously are not meeting your non-negotiables or who have any of your deal breakers (no matter how hot they are!!). If you swipe knowing they aren’t actually what you are looking for… this just wastes more of your time!

Putting slightly more effort into this process can go a really long way. Keep in mind that one of the main reasons we don’t like these apps is because we feel that others don’t put effort in, so it seems a little counterproductive for us to do the same.

The reality is, we keep using the apps, even if we claim to hate them… so why not give this a try?

Resource from Dr. Liz

You hear me talk a lot about attachment styles. But what are they, why do they matter, and furthermore, what is your attachment style?! Check out this quiz to learn about your own attachment style and the influence it has on your romantic relationships: 

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 58

Dr. Liz hangs out with Bree Jenkins, Licensed Therapist and Dating Coach, to chat all about learning how to date better. Dr. Liz and Bree discuss multiple different ways to meet other singles, as well as provide a dating playbook to guide you through the talking stage, to date #1, and beyond! Dr. Liz and Bree discuss things to look out for on your dating journey and provide suggestions for making dating overall more enjoyable. You won’t want to miss this episode’s inside scoop all about navigating the dating world.