- Dr. Elizabeth Fedrick's Newsletter
- Posts
- Choose People Who...
Choose People Who...
Elizabeth Fedrick
December 22, 2024
Choose People Who Choose You…
In any relationship, regardless of your trauma history, attachment style, or the unique context of the situation, one fundamental truth remains: people who genuinely care about you will care about how their actions impact you. It’s as simple, yet profound, as that.
At the core of healthy relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—lies mutual respect and emotional consideration. When someone truly values you, they take responsibility for their behavior and understand the impact it has on you. This means they don’t dismiss your feelings, belittle your emotions, or ignore your needs. Instead, they strive to act in ways that nurture your well-being and create a sense of safety and trust.
This concept applies to every interaction, from the small moments of kindness to the more challenging times when conflicts arise. It’s about more than just saying “I’m sorry” or showing affection; it’s about consistently showing up for each other in a way that prioritizes emotional safety, respect, and understanding. Genuine care is evidenced not by grand gestures, but by the everyday actions that reflect empathy, listening, and consideration for how you feel.
If you’re in a relationship—be it with a partner, friend, or family member—and you feel that your emotions are consistently overlooked or dismissed, it’s a sign that something is out of balance. True care doesn’t require perfection, but it does require effort and the willingness to grow together. It’s about learning from mistakes, adjusting behaviors, and continuously choosing each other in ways that promote mutual respect and emotional health.
Three Steps to Communicate About How Actions Impact You
Use "I" Statements to Express Your Feelings
Begin by focusing on your own experience rather than blaming or accusing the other person. Using "I" statements helps convey your feelings without putting the other person on the defensive. For example, say, "I feel hurt when [describe the action], because it makes me feel [emotion]." This approach opens the door for a conversation without creating unnecessary conflict.Be Specific About the Behavior and Its Impact
Instead of making generalized statements, focus on the specific behavior that affected you. Explain why it impacted you emotionally or psychologically. For instance, "When you don’t check in with me during stressful times, I feel neglected and unsupported." This helps the other person understand not just the action, but its emotional effect on you.Invite Dialogue and Mutual Understanding
Encourage the other person to share their perspective, creating a two-way dialogue. Acknowledge that their actions might not have been intended to hurt you, but express how it made you feel. Ask for their input on how you both can handle similar situations in the future to prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your emotional connection. For example, "I’d love to know how you see this and how we can work together to avoid it in the future." This promotes collaboration and empathy.
By following these steps, you can effectively communicate your needs while fostering a deeper understanding and respect in your relationship.
Remember, you deserve to be around people who not only love you… but also care about how their actions shape your experience.
Healthy, thriving relationships are built on this simple yet powerful foundation: care, consideration, and mutual respect for one another’s emotional well-being.
If you’re ready to start creating and sustaining relationships built on mutual care and respect… It might be time to take the steps to (Re)Program the patterns that have been keeping you stuck.
