Changing Your Relationship Programming

Elizabeth Fedrick
June 19, 2024

Tips from Dr. Liz

The catalyst for most conflict often has less to do with something that was said or done…

But rather due to the assumptions made about something that was not said nor done.

Our relationship programming results in core beliefs about ourselves, our partners, & relationships as a whole that we carry around and often project onto others.

For many, these beliefs are not all that great…

And instead are rooted in some pretty intense fears of being rejected, abandoned, and not being “good enough” to be chosen.

And because these beliefs are so deeply ingrained in us… We don’t stop to question them or consider that another alternative might exist… Instead we act on them as objective truth.

Where this becomes incredibly tricky for our relationships is that not only do we hold these beliefs as hard truths… We also create stories about our partners and our relationships based in these sketchy beliefs.

Then, when something happens (or doesn’t happen) that hurts our feelings, our core beliefs are activated and our response is to make up an entire scenario in our head… Playing out those fears of abandonment, rejection, and not being good enough.

And we all know what happens from here… We respond to this made-up story as though it is also objectively true… Leading to lashing out, shutting down, or a combination of both… Not because an actual threat exists, but because we continue to assume the worst.

But what if instead of continuing to go this route, which gets us to the exact same place every single time (disconnection and conflict)… We chose to get curious about the things that we don’t objectively know.

What if we asked some questions? Sought out clarification? Pursued open and honest conversation? What if we learned to stay safe and calm, and gave our partner the opportunity to express their truth?

Conflict is inevitable… But assumptions don’t have to be.

If your relationship keeps ending up in the same painful cycle of disconnection… You might want to check in on how much power you’re giving away to those pesky core beliefs.

Dr. Liz’s Book

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 57

Dr. Liz hangs out with Dr. Layne Norton, Founder of Biolayne & Entrepreneur, to chat all about the secret to creating change in our relationships. Dr. Liz and Dr. Layne discuss the number one way to get the relationships we want… the decision to take action. They also explore and validate the incredibly common barriers that a lot of individuals face when trying to make these changes. Dr. Liz and Dr. Layne provide an inside look into their own relationship struggles, and healing journeys, and get very candid about their personal discoveries along the way. You won’t to miss this relatable episode all about how to get the relationship you so deeply desire.