Better Choices = Better Relationships

Elizabeth Fedrick
June 12, 2024

Tips from Dr. Liz

Talk is cheap, my friends.

Anyone can say they want a better relationship.

Anyone can say all the things they are going to do to make their relationship better.

Anyone can make lots of promises about how they are going to start showing up differently.

But the only way to ACTUALLY make a relationship better… is by DOING better.

Yep, easier said than done… I for sure feel you on that! But just because it isn’t perfect right away (or ever), doesn’t mean there can’t be very clear and obvious efforts towards change.

Better relationships require making better choices…

Checking in with your partner regularly to ask if their needs are being met & if there is anything you can be doing differently.
Realizing that how you behave when “triggered” might need some work… and then actually putting in the work to change it.
Choosing to make more time to connect physically & emotionally versus using “busy” or “tired” as a reason not to.
Becoming more attuned to your partner’s experiences and emotional states… and asking how you can best support them.
Demonstrating interest & curiosity about their inner world.
Initiating open and honest conversations about sex & intimacy.
Recognizing that your partner deserves the best version of you, including physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc.
Putting in necessary efforts to foster ongoing attraction & desire.

Many of us are just operating in the ways that we know. The ways that we were taught and had role modeled for us. And the ways that we have found to keep us “safe” or to get our needs met in previous relationships.

However, when we really take a step back to assess, we might recognize that these behaviors are not actually keeping us safe, but rather keeping us disconnected, scared, and frustrated.

If you are desiring a safe, fulfilling, and connected relationship… that is going to require that you take inventory of what is working and what is not…

But then the real change can only take place through ACTIONS… by putting efforts into addressing what isn’t working.

Expert Spotlight

Arron Muller, LCSW is the CEO and Founder of Modify Wellness, Inc. a nonprofit providing mental health programming and education in NYC. Arron is also Adjunct Professor at Adelphi University School of Social Work, from which he also holds a Master of Social Work. He provides individual and couples counseling using an eclectic approach and also conducts stress and anxiety training for nursing schools, and facilitates workshops at churches and colleges. Arron recognized the absence of black males in the field which led him to develop a network of Black Male Therapists from across the country and is also the co-organizer of BreaKING The Ice-Black Men's Mental Health conference.

Fun Facts:

I can identify the make, model, and year of a vehicle just by looking at it.
I know the capitals of all the 50 states.
I am on 94.7 FM The Block for The Mental Health Moment on Miss Jones in the Morning every Friday!

Relatable | Relationships Unfiltered Episode 46

Dr. Liz hangs out with Arron Muller, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, to chat all about growing with your partner. Dr. Liz and Arron discuss multiple reasons that couples grow apart, as well as ways to prevent this all-too-common issue and instead work towards growing together. They also discuss the approaches they use in couples counseling to assist with improving communication and overall connection. You won’t want to miss this very relatable episode all about choosing to either grow together OR grow apart.