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Actions vs. Words
Elizabeth Fedrick
May 22, 2024
Tips from Dr. Liz
Actions vs. Words We all love to hear sweet things from our person… Unfortunately, the value of these words doesn’t stretch much past feeling good for the fleeting moment they are being expressed, if these words aren’t aligning with actions. While your partner, of course, wants to hear how special they are to you… they will definitely start to doubt this is what you’re doing is not consistent with what you’re saying. |  |
Your partner doesn’t care about how you intended to make them feel… they care about how your behaviors actually made them feel.
Your partner doesn’t care about the last book you read about relationships… they care about what you actually put into action from that book.
Your partner doesn’t care about what you keep telling them you’re going to do… they care about what you actually follow through with doing.
Your partner doesn’t care about the empty words in an apology… they care about the changes you actually make after apologizing.
Your partner doesn’t care about how much you say you want to spend time with them… they care about you actually making time to spend with them.
Your partner doesn’t care about all your new found “self-awareness”… they care about how you are using that awareness to change your behaviors and show up better.
The misalignment of actions and words can sometimes feel malicious, manipulative, and intentional… And while this can certainly be the case in some situations, more often than not, there is misalignment because many of us struggle to do what is right over what is easy…
And so much as we want to show up for our partner in the ways that they need… this can be hard, overwhelming, and sometimes we honestly don’t know how.
However, if you are the partner who struggles to align their actions with their words… it is your responsibility to seek help and support for this and to figure out how to demonstrate with your behaviors that your partner matters.
If you are the partner who is on the receiving end of this misalignment… it is your responsibility to seek help and support to stop enabling this pattern and continuing to just “let things go”… if it is creating pain and resentment for you.
On either side, neither of you are powerless to making changes…
But change is hard and requires effort. It is up to you to decide if it’s worth it.
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